I didn’t eat for the first three days after Craig died, which was super inconvenient, considering Thanksgiving fell two days after his passing. I had no appetite. I don’t remember much of that first few days except for feeling a literal lack of appetite like I’ve never experienced before. Everyone encouraged me to eat, bringing me pizza and pasta, and wine (and everything in between). It was incredibly difficult for them to watch me just not eat. A kind neighbor brought over homemade soup on day four, and I ate a few spoonfuls; it was all I could stomach. After that, I slowly started to eat more and what was famine, turned feast. I began to binge eat. My bedtime routine included a triple scotch and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. It took several months and a cardiac rhythm issue for me to realize I was using food (or the lack there of) to cope.

What I didn’t know, is that this type of eating pattern is far too common when experiencing grief and was just one of the less than ideal ways I would try to manage my grief.

Unfortunately, Many become trapped in the pitfalls of “Maladaptive coping behaviors” when dealing with grief. Maladaptive coping refers to strategies that, while providing temporary relief, ultimately hinder the grieving process. Common maladaptive coping mechanisms can include things like excessive use of alcohol, binge eating “comfort foods”, self isolating, or recreational drug use/ misuse of prescription drugs.

Grief already negatively impacts the physical body, causing a lowered immune system and creating an increased risk of illness & disease, but chronic stress on the body from these poor choices can exacerbate conditions and cause things like headaches, muscle tension, and gastrointestinal issues.

The mind-body connection is profound; prolonged unhealthy coping may manifest physically, impacting sleep, appetite, and overall well-being.

How do we take better care of our grieving bodies?

It’s important to focus on self care while grieving. Self care is simply just making choices that contribute to our overall wellness. Some basic ways you can practice self care are:

Nourishing Your Body for Healing:

Eat a balanced diet. A well-rounded diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins supports overall health and aids in managing stress. Whole foods, including fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins, provide essential nutrients that support overall health. Adequate intake of these foods contributes to stable energy levels, which can be disrupted during times of grief.

Target specific nutrients:

Certain nutrients play a key role in supporting mental health. Omega-3 fatty acids, found in fish and flaxseeds, have been linked to improved mood and reduced symptoms of depression. Antioxidants from fruits and vegetables help combat oxidative stress, while vitamin B and D are crucial for neurological function and mood regulation. Emphasizing these nutrients in one's diet can positively impact emotional well-being.

Hydration:

Staying adequately hydrated is often overlooked but plays a vital role in maintaining physical and mental health during challenging times. Often overlooked, proper hydration is fundamental. Dehydration can contribute to fatigue, irritability, and difficulty concentrating—factors that can exacerbate the challenges of grief. Encouraging a consistent intake of water throughout the day helps maintain optimal bodily functions and supports overall well-being.

How can I better support someone grieving?

We accidentally introduce or influence maladaptive choices in the griever. We’re quick to encourage “eating our feeling”, or offering a drink, or even trying to encourage healthy sleep with various medication measures. While our intentions are well intended, We can do better to foster a healthier environment for those experiencing grief.

I spoke with Dr. Christine Najjar, a board certified internal and obesity MD, who focuses metabolic management and uses food as “medicine”. She offered some professional insight and tips to better cope with grief.

Dr. Christine first reminds us that our gut health & stress levels are related. When we make unhealthy food choices, it diverts blood away from our brain and away from our ability to more effectively digest food.

We as a culture and society have a strong bond between food and grief, and will often fall back on nostalgic meals to feel a connection to our loved ones. Be mindful of the frequency and nutritional value in these meals. She encourages us to seek alternative ingredients to replicate healthier versions of these favorite dishes.

Our taste buds change every 28 days on average, and studies say it takes about 21 minutes to beat a craving and 21 days to form a habit, if you find yourself binging on comfort food, try to distract yourself to establish that new habit and taste for healthier foods.

Use grocery lists, meal planners, and meal replacements in to help avoid impulse shopping at the grocery store.

She also reminds us, to give ourselves grace. Don’t put pressure or expectations on your unique experience.

Dr. Christine says, “Anxiety and depression are best balanced through body chemistry resiliency”, meaning your body can more effectively manage stress when your body chemistry is in balance. Eating the right foods will balance your chemistry and help alleviate symptomatic grief.

So what can grief supporters do if they still want to bring food?

The popular “meal train” or “funeral casserole” is an easy and inexpensive way to show support, but its usually loaded with pasta, simple carbs, or unhelpful empty calories. Dr. Christine instead suggests:

Charcuterie boards (full of healthy fats & proteins!) these are easy to snack on when appetite is low

Simple veggie platters with dip

Taco salad

Chipotle catering (let them do the leg work for you!) a taco station has all the whole ingredient fixings that help power the mind & body.

Other important factors to consider for healthy grief include creating Healthy Habits. Things such as a self-care routine, which includes regular exercise, sufficient sleep, and activities that bring joy and relaxation help in maintaining overall health and easing the grieving process.

Remember to set realistic goals. Setting achievable goals will help to feel empowered, as progress in healing often occurs gradually through small, consistent steps.

Most importantly, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to grief, You have to find what works for you in terms of acceptance, healing and self care. Try to approach the grief journey with self-compassion, healing is a unique and ongoing process.

understanding the consequences of maladaptive coping sheds light on the importance of adopting healthier strategies. Nourishing the body through a balanced diet and proper hydration provides a solid foundation for emotional well-being during the grieving process. Recognizing the interconnectedness of mental and physical health is essential for comprehensive healing.

For more information about Dr. Christine and her “Food First” approach, you can find her website here

Feeding Grief: how to eat after someone dies