Welcome

I’ll be completely honest… I have no idea how to start this. So I’ll start it the same way I started every other hurdle I encountered along this grief journey, I just start. Admittedly, my time on this road is short compared to some, but tumultuous nevertheless. I’ll spare you the details that I hope you’ve already gained, either by reading the “Kate’s story” portion of this site, or by knowing my story intimately & personally as a part of my circle. So, here we are. After many grueling months of planning, designing, prepping, and writing, this beautiful terrifying brainchild of mine is alive. I admittedly feel a bit like Dr. Frankenstein… weaving many different pieces of my life and my skills (and my many traumas) into what I hope to be a valuable resource that can be shared.

So what makes me qualified to “teach” other people how to grieve?

Absolutely nothing. I am no more qualified than anyone else offering unsolicited advice based on personal experience. I do have “front line” experience and I only hope to put out there something that doesn’t exist; a comprehensive resource tool, a road-map of sorts, where people can loosely follow along and gather pertinent information they need while dealing with the death of a loved one. This resource, like grief itself, isn’t linear and isn’t meant to be followed in order. Kinda like those old Goosebumps novels that had the choose your own ending… but a lot more sad. (if you’re genuinely curious about my qualifications or background, check out the “about” page). I guess you could follow it in order, My OCD brain dictates that we write about it as we experienced things, but that doesn’t mean that is how you’ll experience this. So start where you see fit. The lesson here is, Just start. Doesn’t matter where, just start.

I know I’ve been promising lots of resources

I swear, we will get there, but for this inaugural post, It is important to me that I pause for a moment and thank some people who made this possible. This isn’t about clout or comparison, but the cold hard fact is that grief is incredibly isolating and without these people (and many more) I would not be functional, let alone in a place to provide the support to others that I hope to.

I genuinely want to personally thank:

My parents. From my dad picking me up from the hospital immediately following Craig’s death, to my mother meticulously keeping the household running smoothly in my mental absence. You guys have been amazing & the kids and I are lucky to have such great support.

Jenn Grace. My very first Grief Captain. I can’t even put into words the value you brought to those early hours, days, and weeks. You truly saw me at my worst and were steadfast in your support and kindness. Even going to lengths to set up and manage the crowd sourcing that paid for Craig’s services. You managed to get things done and keep me grounded. Not an easy task.

My father-in law and his wife, Phil & Sue. You have been there from ground zero, the first ones to arrive at the hospital and stayed with me until they told us we had to leave. Sue, your gentleness and maternal nature was exactly what I needed and I am so incredibly grateful for your tenderness and support. Phil, you’ve always been the person I go to for sage advice (I learned that from Craig) and you were there with advice but never undermining my wishes or forcing choices on me. You have been through so much and I’m honored to have witnessed your strength and vulnerability. To the both of you, your support has been invaluable.

Jen Haer. We have had quite the serendipitous ride together haven't we? You were there at the drop of a hat to help pack, you held me through several breakdowns and were always so patient with me while I lingered at daycare drop off because I couldn’t stand to be alone…. The kids and I are truly fortunate to have you in our lives.

Tara LeDuke. Craig’s best friend and my very dear friend too. I gave her the terrible job of delivering Craig’s eulogy and it was so incredibly thoughtful and beautiful and perfect. You did him proud and I know how much you meant to him. You held me on the first New years eve (which turned out to be way harder than I anticipated), cradling me while I violently sobbed into your shoulder. You stayed with me until almost 2am. I was sure I wouldn't survive that night, and you were my beacon in the dark.

My therapist Tina. Single handedly brought me back to life. Your gentle and nurturing nature and affirming words (and the power of subconscious re-programming) are the reasons I am a functional human. Seriously, for those of you reading this, if you’re not in therapy, get to it.

The funeral director Dan at Carmon funeral home. I understand it’s part of the job to be compassionate and gentle, but this man was heaven sent. His candor and professionalism made a world of difference in an otherwise tragic situation. There are too many instances to recount that prove the sainthood of this man. Thank you for easing a difficult time for myself & my family.

The entire staff of East Granby Public schools. The lengths they went to when they found out Matthew’s dad had passed was extraordinary. They showed up at our home with dozens of baskets of gifts the week before Christmas and all the fixings for Christmas dinner. So many cards and pictures from students. They lifted Matthew up with such a show of love and support, and continue to be understanding and supportive. This has been integral to his academic success.

Aaron Gersten. The family lawyer. The resources and counsel outside of just legal consult changed the course of some of the things that happened. I didn’t know which way was up, and he pointed the way. Thank you.

And lastly, To every person that donated to the Go-Fund me. There are far too many to name individually, but you know who you are. Your selflessness and incredibly kind gesture made services possible. We had no savings, and no wills or plans in place, we were caught completely off guard and without all you incredibly kind and amazing people, I wouldn’t have been able to give Craig the beautiful resting place he so deserved and received. You touched me with your generosity and I can’t thank you enough.

Boot Camp Begins!

Alright, you can put the tissues away now. For those of you who made it to the end of this post, Congratulations! You’ve been inducted into the survivors Boot camp!

Head on over to “Basic Training” for your first lesson in surviving grief.